contradictory feelings

teach sunday school.. a new student and is really oppositional... headache >_<

finally he has time for me la.. we go shopping... i find an outlet and he bought me three pieces of clothes... happy ^^


originally wanna shop with him too, but he can't find suitable ones
so we went to buy sushi and salami, delicious!! but expensive >_< but suen la ... bday ma


to my surprise, his sister bought me fancl loh~~ haha.. i dunno how to use at all.. heard that it's expensive.. thx her la... and i'm glad to see she uses the bag i sent her

but then he made me cry... ai... different perspectives on things again... and this time the subject is important... that's why i can't help bursting out.... really sad....
take a long time to cool down this time.. it's been long that we haven't been so unhappy due to the other party.... ai... but finally put it aside.. as we know we really love each other, and there's no way we can angry for long...


back home for dinner and watch tv together, we are really tired la....

bday

raining for the whole day


get prepared in the last minute (again >_<), then go teaching, tired...

back to fellowship, prayer walk, it's special... good experience....


bday la.. no celebration actually, he needs to work
and perhaps since i've grown up la, ppl's remembrance doesn't matter much


give myself quiet time to think over.... i just feel like, i should really set off for my life again... i shouldn't stay like this.... it's not good for me... and it doesn't please God too.... but how? i still feel so weak and lost....

thinking of daddy again....

Heavenly Father..... please... forgive me... and hold me....

he came to visit me very late at night... well... for some reason, i almost get mad at him... but finally we are fine.... lucky... as it is my bday afterall...

last composer class

stay at home to work for the whole day

then go to the composer class at night
last lesson la.. like music theory, not learning much... anyway... an interest course is over la~


brother is back, thx God!!

Lunch with D4

看看看,再寫寫寫, 兩年前的東西實在太麻煩了~~~~ 也不知道自己到底在做甚麼!!


到沙田跟D4吃飯, 收到耳環做生日禮物, 很可愛, 是一隻為食貓與一排魚骨! =P 可惜少了春春... 她真的很忙呀~~ 知道她可能要離開, 真的很surprised..... 換轉是我, 一定沒有那份勇氣, 灑脫, 和上進心!! 但魚子就可憐了....

飯後回校見老細, 他竟比上次更長氣, 談了近三小時 @..@ 令我跟朋友之後的約會大遲到!! 與友人談談近況, 還有那個concept sharing.... well... 基本上我是認同的... 但真的負擔不來... poor~

bday surprise

lunch with dada and mama, thx for their bday present and blessings

seems that everyone in the company know it's near my bday, so surprised *.*

teaching kids again, a bit better today, classroom settings make a difference indeed


then rush to lyrics class...q. enjoyable ^_^

生日會

uncle 今晚宴客慶祝生日. 本來以為要走堂赴約, 幸好導師亦臨時有時, 改期上課~ 哈哈!

花了許多腦汁, 希望給uncle買一件合用又合意的生日禮物... 他一晚通宵工作後今天也提早下班了, 於是一起去買. 最後買了一套運動衣服, 都幾型仔~ 但他卻取笑我買禮物給uncle.....說甚麼我多餘... 太過緊張..... blah blah blah 的....

我不作一聲的, 忽然哭了....
我也很想給我的爸爸買一份生日禮物!! 但我已經沒有機會了!!! :....(

uncle說不用買禮物, 但收到禮物始終會高興的, 不是嗎? 為甚麼不願意多花點心思讓對方高興呢?

男生, 都是粗心大意的!
回到他的家裏, 已有一檯麻雀了~ 陸陸續續的很多親戚都上來了, 小小的房子, 一時間有成廿人, 還有一檯麻雀, 連坐都不能!! 有許多小朋友, 好可愛~ 先與他們玩飛行棋, 然後玩自創的無聊遊戲, 猜猜畫畫等.... 他家族的生日會都好搞笑的, 由壽星公請客. 今晚uncle 煮了許多食物, 都很好吃... 我好想每樣菜式都試試, 但太飽了, 不可能~

飯後再與小朋友玩一會, 然後跟他, 妹妹, 和妹妹的男友一起玩紙牌, 幾開心! 妹妹的男友沒之前那麼害羞, 也顯露出他古靈精怪的一面了, hehe~ 據說今晚他很開心, 因為uncle邀請他來, 好像肯定了他的地位, hoho! 好可愛的男生!! 與妹妹都幾相襯 ^__^

捱打

今天孩子們不知何解那麼情緒高漲, 幾乎不受控制. 我們是顧此失彼, 累極了!

放學時跟其中一個難搞孩子的母親談他的情況, 最後那孩子竟在母親面前狠狠的打我一拳!! 當時我當然要忍住, 還要平心靜氣的跟他理論和解釋. 最後我要先道歉他才肯草草留下一句"對不起"... 這個孩子,真的很難搞~

他們走了以後, 看看被打的地方, 紅了一塊.... 幸好他只有七歲, 不然我就更慘了!! 但都痛了很久呀..... >_

繼續匆忙

最後還是不能教主日學．．．　真的很抱歉．．．

收拾心情,終於在最後一分鐘做起ppt.... 怎樣也不能連崇拜也缺席的!!

崇拜時, 真的很慚愧, 卻又很感恩, 鬆一口氣了, 謝謝主....對不起主....

崇拜後連飯也趕不及吃, 匆忙去上課了. 這一班跟之前的又很不同. 學生都很成熟, 且很沉靜. 嗯... 得重新調節.

放學後約了探望中學老師.有些時間, 獨個兒去window shopping... 誠然每樣東西都不是很貴, 但不知怎的, 就是覺得買不下手. 直覺上我是喜歡那些東西的, 但理智告訴我我不需要它們. 怎麼說我都是吝嗇而不是簡樸的人, 但既然聖靈透過理智提醒我了, 我就願意好好操練自己.

不買就是不買!

最後終於到了老師的家, 想盡辦法, 提早成世紀遷就這個遷就那個, 還是許多「意外」不能來的人. 結果赴約的人還是不多. 小女兒又大一歲了, 會說的話很多呢~ 去年還跟她鬧著玩想像遊戲, 今年她已經是小鐵人了~ 跟她玩是把自己忙得團團轉呢! 席間大談各人的近況, 又「八」到母校的新聞, 彷彿又回到過去. 不過都只是彷彿. 大伙兒當中有好幾個都傳出婚訊了, 難不成還自恃很年輕嗎？

飯後, 看他們的結婚照, 又欣賞小女兒的功課(現在幼稚園的功課都很有趣!), 和她母親的藝術作品. 嘩~ 真的很有心機!! 師母近年開始研習國畫, 那些百蝶圖, 山水畫, 鯉魚梅花, 真的甚麼都會畫! 又要上班又要湊女還能兼顧興趣, 真的厲害!!

hurry hurry hurry

it's so hurry today!

finished preparing for the teaching finally in the morning, then rushed to eat and then went teaching

and what's most disturbing the stress in my heart, always fearing that I'll be late for fellowship, making me can't really concentrate on teaching.... but ok la~ managed to finish off a bit earlier

then rushed back to felp, luckily they were a bit late today too...we started bible studying together, i'm a bit nervous... but thx God it's fine eventually...

i know my heart isn't pure...God please forgive me... but i'm glad that you give me this change to review my life and renew my thinking too


we went to the new couple's home afterwards...so called house-warming =P

their house is so big and neat and pretty, just that thye seldom live here actually. we have a lot of food... and ying makes us cake again...

great happy time... but i have to leave early..coz tmr's work hasn't finshed yet >_<

but it's so near to his home, so i still stopped by for a while =P

rushy

it's so sleepy in the morning
but then i went to body check
no feaces, have to take it there again in the afternoon
troublesome!!!

no time la.. many things to do... must finish bible study and ppt today
and mom is coming back tonight
the last meal that i cook~

went to find him in the night... surprised~
coz mom asked me to bring him mangoes, and i wanna print things for tmr lesson too

it's great that we can meet... i love him

談心

摯友從彼邦回來, 還帶來大喜消息 -- 他們終於要結婚了!!

很開心, 又很不開心, 因為我未必能飛過去出席他們的婚禮....

這晚, 只有我們四個女孩子, 在cafe聚舊還不夠, 最後還上了我家, 我們一直聊, 聊了很多. 直至零震四點. 若不是她戴隱形眼鏡太累了, 我們或許會繼續聊下去, 甚至就這樣在我家過夜, 就好像當年一樣....

那年, 我們在這裏唱歌.
那年, 我們在這裏玩牌.
那年, 我們在這裏過聖誕.
那年, 我們在這裏等放榜.

這些年來, 我一直很懷念那幾年.

今晚, 彷彿坐了時光機. 很高興, 很暢快!!

that's discipline

teaching kids again.. they made me yell finally~ i truly know that they're not naughty, they just like to play... but in a classroom, those behaviors are not accepted loh... sorry for that...

go to composer class afterwards.... q. good this time... and the teacher Sky looks like my friend k... it's the feel, haha~~

disobedient student

the thing that i spent so much time preparing, my supervisor just doesn't bother to take a look and ask me to tell him directly! it's always like that... but anyway, it's for my own good... easier for me to follow up later...

discuss with him for 2 hours! what a long winded guy... and i should be the most disobedient student he ever had.. as i refused his offer / command for almost every time... he asked me to consider it again and tell him next time.. i wonder if i should conform or not....

coming to the mid of the week again... i'd like to have the tasks done one by one... and i should have the patience to get through them.. add oil!

redo

teaching kids again, as a part time tutor. lovely children, and ok obedient.. it should be fine.
surprised to find the sec has gone too.. she appeared to be so enthusiastic at first.

went home late and then cooked.... it's already 10pm when got ready to work again, just to discover that i've run some wrong analysis!!!!!!

ai... do it all over again~~ the 2nd night that i worked till 3am la!!

And the thunderstorm outside is so horrible....

resolve in love

sunday school... one more student... really hard to manage them.. i'm not a good teacher

can't stand missing him.. go to find him finally.. sleep in his arms, it's so warm and comfortable... we love each other.. though we are different

then he works, and i slept in his room... lazy me

so have to work hard tonight la... dunno how to do it, but finish some analysis.. see how patrick say la...

going on

he looked as if nothing has happened... i tried hard too.. but still unhappy

we went to watch Madagascar together.. it's a happy film.. but i just can't help sheding tears... the moment is short, but it touched my heart, it made me think of dad, thinking of being alone....

we didn't chat, we didn't hug, then we left the other...

feeling so despair on the way to work

and teach so tiredly...


dun wanna do anything.. but have to cook, and prepare for sunday school...



a day is over.

yes. the world just goes on... no matter how sad you are, you have to go on....

各有各忙

平凡的一天. 努力地準備教班和兼職的事情.

他新的工作也很忙碌, 幾乎一整個星期沒見見面, 甚至沒好好的聊聊天. 每晚都好像例行公事般通電話, 他卻總是全神貫注地工作.

這晚, 不知怎的, 自己的情緒也不太好, 終於吵架收場. 我只有哭, 不停地哭. 或者我真的不是一個好的女朋友, 我不曉得怎去支持你, 體貼你. 但我以為我已盡力了, 可惜my best is not good enough....

我們始終不能在同一水平上對話, 是嗎？

祖母

帶祖母去照x-ray, 傻傻的, 還以為在半山上, 結果坐的士繞了大圈, 浪費金錢也浪費時間 >_<

連續幾天奔波勞碌, 還未查到問題所在便已累壞祖母了. 她還沒有從上次的病中完全康復過來...

祖母, 我真的愛你.... 希望你沒事, 身體健康, 心靈舒暢....

聽說表姨甥會掛念我們, 蹲在大間口等我們到來. 哈哈!! 很可愛, 也很sweet呢~ ^^

silly me

meet supervisor and have some discussion.. well, the conclusion is to re-run analysis again!!! >_< what a pity!!

search a lot of lit to read again, and have to work further before meeting next tue, ai......

went to the lyrics class then.. it's a lot better than last night... professional and easy to follow

and we need to do homework too!! it's really interesting!

but silly me again.. i take mtr this time but i still change at a wrong station =P stupid!

忙碌的假期

帶祖母往驗血, 之前不準吃東西, 真辛苦了她. 幸好契媽的家在附近, 抽血後我趕快帶祖母到她家休息, 然後去買早點給她吃. 就這樣, 一個早上又消失了....

好忙呀?! 很多事情要做,很多東西要準備? 為甚麼我的假期會變成這個模樣? 唉....又是我的問題吧.... 不過怎都好, 各種責任都是我的責任, 尤其是家庭責任, 我必須承擔...

雖然很想繼續和小朋友玩, 但我還是急著要回家. 看了幾份文獻, 又夠鐘去上堂了. 是作曲班, 有專業人士執教, 可惜是內容問題吧~ 藝術創作這種東西很難很有系統和有效地教授吧? 所以上完堂還是不知道學了甚麼 =P

回家. 以為坐巴士會快些. 誰料愚蠢的我竟上了倒頭車!! 結果反而更遲回家, silly me!

又是生日派對

本來打算去做massage, 但卻突然要帶祖母看醫生. 好趕.

帶祖母到親友家中休息, 然後找他去. 一起吃午飯, 這種機會並不太多, 感覺也挺幸福的.

回去接祖母, 期間與BB玩了一會, 很開心. 如果不是趕著回家準備晚上的生日派對, 我一定多玩一會兒.


晚上是舊同事兼朋友仔田田的生日, 由我這個「閒人」負責安排. 我們到美美那兒去, 吃個飽後玩pictionary, 超開心的!!我們甚至玩起超級無敵不落閘,還由我帶頭扮假人, 勁好玩~ 很有衝動自己都買一副回來玩!!

生日派對

主日學考試, 選用了問答比賽加筆試, 學生們出奇地踴躍和興奮! 笑死我 =P

今晚本來是好朋友的生日派對, 一班弟兄姊妹早就約好了. 但因為要陪祖母, 也要臨時爽約了. 雖然有點可惜, 但也沒辦法. 想他們現在必定玩得很開心了....

pre-study

教書, 然後趕往團契. 才記起原來今天有pre-study. 但哥哥晚上不在家, 那誰能看顧祖母呢? 昨天才剛入院, 今天怎能留她獨自在家呢?為甚麼總在忙碌的時候, 家裏便會發生事? 因著家中的事情, 我已經半年勞煩弟兄姊妹代我擔起應負的責任了. 我不想, 也實在不好意思再打擾別人了....

慌忙致電給他, 請他到我家照顧祖母. 他把自己要做的事情擱置, 來幫我了. 真的謝謝他!

於是我做好飯後, 便回教會prestudy了. 整個過程也挺開心的, 其實我很久沒有帶查經了. 希望我能做得好. 願你幫助我.

恐懼

舅父舅母突然來"探望"祖母, 卻令她的心情更糟, 仇恨更深... 我卻在一旁無可奈何... 其實我也不肯定這樣的埋怨和投訴, 是否也是一種合理的宣洩, 對祖母來說是幫助不是... 有時我會叫她想到不開心的事情, 便不要再想下去... 但我自己也很清楚, 許多事情都是"才下眉頭, 卻上心頭". 不讓她說出來, 難道要讓她鬱在心裡, 獨自悲傷?

但最可怕的事, 到了晚上的時候, 祖母又突然不適, 整個人休克了. 幸好哥哥剛回來, 我一面替她搓藥油, 哥哥趕忙call車, 取証件.... 等救護車來到的時候, 祖母也稍為清醒了, 我們才鬆一口氣. 到醫院檢查, 醫生說沒有大礙, 可能是消化不良而已.

想起她那空洞的目光, 空張的嘴巴, 一動也不動的模樣, 我猶有餘悸. 那一刻我好像很冷靜, 但其實我真的很害怕, 很害怕. 生命的消逝, 只是在頃刻之間, 可以是那麼快, 叫人措手不及.

那種冰冷的感覺, 直至現在我還是忘不了....

can't concentrate

working at home.. but then grandma cried... i'm too disturbed by her emotions.. i cried too.. can't work at all...

it'll never be over? isn't it? the pain will never leave you, and you won't let it go too... but together, we suffer...

evening reU with HKU psy, mic is going to marry too... happy... and we chat happily ... cool

but too sad to hear of the terrorist attack again~~ life is so precious, why don't people see it and keep doing foolish things? *sigh*~.....~

back to CUHK

go back to CU.. my boss is so long-winded.. and i'm surprised to know he wanna pub it in another journal... is it unrealistic goal?!!

working in his lab, but actually forgot how to search lit la... all these are too distant from me now... but got to be near again....

stay in CU for the whole day, but basically just keep chatting with ppl... boss, vv, rita.... work too little la~~

i have to work hard!!

missing mom

stay at home for the whole day... but just being "see lai"~~

wash clothes, buy food and cook, not really doing many things

i miss mom very much now~

7/4/05

typing diaries, then wai yee called me out... then lunch with grow...

buy food back home, it's already 3pm... then tidy things and go out again to pick up medicine for grandma, and i go back to wpdi to give them the souveniors... and then go to do facial... i resist their persuasion la~

then rush back home, cook , eat, wash dishes... a night is passed again

i tried to face the negative feelings and thoughts i have inside...it's annoying.. but can i handle it indeed?



well.. i must start to work hard tmr!!

咁又一日

主日學溫習日, 他們下星期就要考試了. 有時候我都會問這樣是否有必要, 但既然主任說要考,那便考吧~

回家後頭越來越痛, 午餐後便躺下來睡著了. 一定是旅行回來後還沒有好好休息過吧~

後來他來找我, 跟他出去買個新公事包. 明天便要返新工了!! 很期待啊~~

晚上他教會有事工, 我亦回家去了. 煮飯,做家務, 咁又一日~

重投工作

好忙呀~ 一起身就去HKU借帶, 因為下午教書要用. 常常都有這種掙扎, 為了只是播十分鐘的帶, 專程去大學借帶, 遲些又要專程回去還帶, 好像不太值得. 但教學形式多樣化其實又好緊要喎, 所以還是去了. 不過如果可以有本土化的,中文的影帶就更好, 今次班學生聽英文好似沒那麼好~ 但可惜, 根本這些demo就不會有中文的~

下午再次企足三個鐘, 很累. 記得上次教這課時, 我覺得自己教得不錯的. 但講第二次就始終怪怪的. 感覺上今次教得沒那麼好. 其實我這人是很奇怪...人家做事一次比一次好, 因為能汲取經驗再進步. 但我總是第一次才是最好, 翻做便會變得遜色.

由於今天團契職員會退修, 是日休團, 所以下班後我就回家休息了. 看了一會兒電視, 便跟哥哥一起煮飯. 他看來真的有大廚風範呢~ 今晚弄的豉油雞也很好吃! yummy yumny!!

back

wake up late, and then keep tidying things up... wash clothes and cook as mom isn't home.. we have to take care of ourselves now~

he comes to my home to exchange the sourvenirs, and i really miss the days we saw each other everyday.... just that it passed too quickly... anyway~~

still in holiday mood...really dun wanna work, but i HAVE to... tmr need to teach part-time course la...